Including Loved Ones Who Have Passed Away
Filed Under Honoring the Departed |
When an important event such as a Bar Mitzvah occurs, there is a great joy in gathering the family together for this momentous occasion. There is also sometimes a sadness when we think of those who have died and won’t be there to share in that joy. There are ways to bring the spirit of those who have passed away into the celebration, even though they can’t be there physically.
Most often, a child’s Bar Mitzvah speech will explain the Torah portion they have recited. The Bar or Bat Mitzvah will usually try and relate life lessons gleamed from the writings back to the people and events that have shaped his or her life thus far. This is an opportune time to speak of a relative or friend who has died. For example, a boy named Dylan was designated to recite and speak about the Torah portion from Genesis entitled Lech-Lecha. In the writing, God challenges Abraham to “go forth” from his native land into unfamiliar territories. In his Bar Mitzvah speech, Dylan spoke of his grandfather, a Russian immigrant whom he had never met but was named after. He explained to the congregation how his grandfather “went forth” to America, just like Abraham, into unfamiliar territory. The parallel was a perfect platform to discuss life’s lessons and at the same time pay homage to his late grandfather. The speech was quite moving and joyful at the same time.
Another way to bring loved ones who have passed on into the celebration is to display their photos. For instance, Rose had lost her step father, grandparents and grandmother and was sad that they could not be there to see her daughter celebrate her Bat Mitzvah. She purchased beautiful frames and filled them with lovely pictures of these relatives, including some photographs of them with her daughter. She then displayed them on the piano during the cocktail hour. She said it truly felt as if they were in the room, there celebrating, and it brought her some peace. As the pianist played and the room was filled with congratulations to her daughter for a job well done, family members admired the photos, and lovingly reminisced about the lost ones, further bringing them into the celebration.
A more traditional way of honoring family and friends who have passed away is during the candle lighting ceremony. At that time, often the first candle is in honor of the deceased and a brief poem or speech details their importance in the child’s life and how they are sorely missed.
So while we cannot bring people who have departed our lives back to celebrate these important milestones, we can make sure they are there in spirit.
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