Bar Mitzvah Resource

Bar/Bat Mitzvah: What It All Means

admin — Thu, 08 May 2008 21:30:10 +0000

Bar and Bat Mitzvah is a stage of life at which one begins to take responsibility for the Mitzvot, the life practices of Judaism. At the age of thirteen, according to Jewish tradition, one should begin taking responsibility for one’s own moral decisions and spiritual values. Since the Middle Ages, this coming of age has been marked by the ceremony of Bar Mitzvah, which means “son of the commandment.” In the 1920’s the first Bat Mitzvah (“daughter of the commandment”) was held so that a young woman’s passage into Jewish adulthood would be equally honored.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah is not just an event, but a process. When a young person has studied sufficiently and is sincerely interested, the new status of responsibility for doing the Mitzvot is recognized by the family and the community. He or she is given the greatest honor possible in the synagogue, an Aliyah (“going up”) to the Torah and has the opportunity to help lead the Sabbath service and to read from the Torah.

Torah
The custom of public Torah readings had its beginnings with Ezra the Scribe after the return of the Jewish people from Babylonian exile in 444 B.C.E. Ultimately, the Torah was divided into 54 weekly portions, each called a Sidra or Parasha, that are read in every synagogue in the world according to the Hebrew calendar. Thus, on each Shabbat, and at each Bar/Bat Mitzvah, the same Torah portion is read the world over.

Haftarah
After the Torah reading, there is a reading from selected passages of the Prophets or Writings which usually has a thematic relationship to the Torah portion. (Sometimes there is a special reading that related to one of the special Shabbatot during the Jewish year). The reading of the Haftarah arose, it is said, during the reign of Antiochus IV, the Syrian-Greek ruler of the empire of which Judea was a part. He issued an order forbidding the reading of the Torah. As a response, the Jewish people began to read from other parts of the Hebrew Bible which would remind them of the Torah portion which would have been read. After the Jews won religious freedom, they kept the custom of the additional reading.

Shabbat Service
The service is divided into four parts. The first part is the Shema and its blessings. It teaches us the core of Jewish belief: God creates; God shows love for us through Torah; God is One; God redeems. The second part, tefilah, evokes what we need as Jews: linkage to our ancestors, giving thanks, and finding fulfillment and peace. A silent meditation is included. The third part is the Torah service. The ritual of reading from the Torah is a reenactment of the events at Mount Sinai. The Torah contains stories, law, history and poetry. It symbolizes all that Jews hold sacred. The honor of blessing the Torah is an aliyah (“going up”). After the Torah service, the rabbi offers a special blessing for the bat/bat mitzvah and immediate family. The concluding section of the service, summarizing what we hope for, contains two prayers: Aleinu, affirming God’s unity, and the Kaddish, a mourner’s prayer.

Each synagogue has its own unique customs. Written by Rabbi Daniel Gropper, of the Community Synagogue of Rye, www.comsynrye.org.

Terms From The Shabbat Service

admin — Thu, 08 May 2008 21:24:48 +0000

Terms From The Shabbat Service In order for you to more fully understand and enjoy the service, here is a brief “glossary” of some of our phrases and customs:

Aliyah (“Going Up”) - the honor of being called to the Torah (plural: Aliyot). Several family members and friends receive this honor, reciting the special prayers that precede and follow the reading of the Torah portion.

Ark (aron hakodesh): The sacred enclosure where the Torah scrolls are kept.

Bimah - the raised platform where the service is conducted.

Haftarah: a selection from the prophets on a theme related to the Torah portion.

Kipah (Yarmulke) - the head covering worn during prayer and study as a sign of reverence.

Mitzvah: The commandments that Jews do in order to live a Jewish life and to sanctify life.

Ner Tamid: The Eternal Light which hangs over the ark. It symbolizes God’s eternal presence in the synagogue.

Shabbat: The Hebrew word for the Sabbath, the day of sacred rest. It begins Friday evening at sundown and concludes with sunset on Saturday.

Siddur - the prayer book used by our congregation. Since Hebrew is read from right to left, the sequence of pages is the opposite of that found in English text.

Tallit - the fringed prayer shawl worn by Jewish people who have reached thirteen years of age. It is worn during morning prayers and Torah services.

Tefilah: The Hebrew word for prayer. Also the second section of the service.

Torah: Literally, “teaching” or “direction,” the Five Books of Moses or Pentateuch (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy). During each Shabbat service and on some holidays, the portion is read directly from the Torah scroll.

Torah Service - consists of three parts: removing the Torah (the Five Books of Moses) from the Ark, study of the week’s Torah portion, and returning the Torah to the Ark. Following the Torah service, a corresponding selection from the Haftarah (Book of Prophets) is read.

Written by Rabbi Daniel Gropper, of the Community Synagogue of Rye, http://comsynrye.org

How to Write Your Bar/Bat Mitzvah D’var Torah

admin — Thu, 08 May 2008 21:09:35 +0000

Using this outline for your Bar/Bat Mitzvah D’var Torah might help you to structure the speech. It is best to work with an adult or friend as you prepare this draft.

I. Introduction: Start with the words “Shabbat Shalom,” then tell us where your portion is from. What is the name of the parashah in the Torah? What chapters and verses are you about to discuss?

II. Summary: Summarize the Torah portion in your own words. You might need to read some verses before and after your portion to set the context in order to understand the meaning of your portion a little further.

III. Focus: Choose one part of your portion that is particularly interesting and important to you. Why do you find it interesting?

IV. Timeless Lessons: Ask yourself, “what is this all supposed to teach? Why is it a part of our history? What is the message of this portion? Why has it been important for so many years?” This is the section where you teach all of your family and friends thelesson you derived from section III (Focus.) It’s also a nice idea to show how this lesson came from your portion.

V. Application: How does this lesson apply directly to my life as I prepare to enter Jewish adulthood? See if you can make a connection between your portion and your Bar/BatMitzvah. If you have a personal story or experience that illustrates your lesson, you can share it here. This is also a great place to share some of the Mitzvah projects you have been working on and to relate your mitzvah work to your becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Written by Rabbi Daniel Gropper, of the Community Synagogue of Rye, www.comsynrye.org.

Party Planning: Staying on Budget

admin — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 22:29:51 +0000

Follow these four steps to fund your Bar or Bat Mitzvah painlessly.Now that you’ve established your budget, you’ll spend the next few months keeping track and allocating your funds. Follow these four points to make sure your spending is where it should be.

Step 1: Develop a System
Put your accounting skills to the test by deciding on a budgeting system to track all the money coming in and out. The easiest thing to do? Put all your info in a spreadsheet. It will help you keep track of your needs (and their costs), and will also enable you to record every payment you make and what you still owe.

Step 2: Explore Hidden Costs and Extras
Knowing all the costs up front will guarantee that your budget can actually cover it all. Here are some of the things you need to be on the lookout for.

Avoid overtime. If the party’s hopping, those extra 45 minutes may whiz by, but you’ll probably pay dearly in overtime costs for everyone from the photographer and the caterer to the venue manager. If you suspect the celebration may go long, work overtime costs into your budget — if you don’t use it, it’ll be a nice surprise chunk of cash.
Factor in tips. Even conservative tipping can add hundreds to your total cost. Make sure to account for these costs in your initial budget.
Remember trials aren’t always free. A florist’s demo may be gratis the first time, but if you make repeated changes, you risk being billed.
Don’t forget the small stuff. Things like stamps for the RSVP cards and ribbons for party favors seem so small that you can shrug them off, but like any costs, they add up. Going “just over budget” in a couple different categories with a vague plan of making it up somewhere else can push you past your limit.

Step 3: Plan to Go Over
If you account for budget overages, then you never actually blow your budget. Try to earmark 5% of your budget for unforeseen costs. Even still, these are examples of some areas where you might go over:

Weather-related expenses: Umbrellas for a rainy day, space heaters for an unseasonably cool day, additional shade for a particularly hot or humid one.
Small accidents: Like the Bat Mitzvah girl’s dress needs last-minute spot removal or menus get damp and need to get reprinted.

Step 4: Be Smart
Take advantage of budgeting and money management tricks along the way.

Create another account: If you’re dealing with a big budget event, put all your party money in one separate account, so you can easily track additions and withdrawals without getting it confused with the rest of your day-to-day funds.
Get rewarded: Pay for as many of your expenses as possible on a credit card that gives you benefits like mileage, rewards, or cash back. Make sure everyone making purchases toward the party is on the same card system, allowing you to benefit from the rewards and also from the easy tracking of your purchases.

Five Best Budgeting Tips

admin — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 22:20:08 +0000

From PartySpot.com

Banish budget worries with these fantastic tips for saving some money with style.Worried about how quickly the costs for your Bar Mitzvah are piling up? Save some cash with our tips for keeping the kids’ college fund intact without sacrificing on style.

1) Trim Your Guest List
This is definitely a tough one — after all, a big party can seem like it calls for inviting everyone you’ve ever met. That said, if you are finding yourselves scraping to put the party together, cutting the guest list is the #1 fastest and easiest way to improve your bottom line.

· Fairness is key. You need to strike a balance between your invitees and your child’s invitees. Sit down and take a look at your guest “wish list” and figure out between yourselves who you can bear not to invite. Also, bear in mind that your younger guests may be costing you less than your adult guests, especially if you are serving a kids’ meal.

· Don’t cut the guest list by planning for no-shows. You’re much better off being surprised by the number of guests who decline and getting to invite some new people a little late in the game than being overwhelmed when all of your guests accept your invitation, leaving you with more people than chairs.

(2) Timing is Everything
Saturday night might seem like an obvious choice for your soiree, but it’s also the most expensive night to celebrate. Many vendors and service providers charge a premium rate on Saturday evenings, and for nearly all it’s the busiest day of the week (after all, think of how many other parties you’ll be up against — and of course, don’t forget about weddings).

· If you have your heart set on Saturday night, get your planning started early! Since vendors and locations’ available Saturdays will book up quickly, you’ll need to review your options as soon as possible in order to get the best selection.

· If you can have the party at a different time — whether it’s daytime on Saturday or another day of the week entirely — you’ll not only likely have a better selection of people and places to choose from, you’ll also save some dough on those steep Saturday night prices.

(3) Consider Your D.I.Y. Options
We know, we know — with all the craziness of planning a major party, it’s not like you have tons of free time on your hands. But taking some time to figure out what party details you can do yourselves could make up for in cash what they take up in time.

· For example, if part of your plan is to have the tables swathed in pink chiffon and renting such luxe table dressing is going to cost an arm and a leg, skip ‘em and find the simpler version. Head to a discount fabric store with a crafty relative and pick out similar material — just hem (or even simply trim) the edges to make it neat, and put them over plain or white-clothed tables to get the same effect.

· The one caveat: Before you break out the glue and scissors, do your homework to be sure you’re really saving. There are definitely cases where the amount of time and effort involved (not to mention all the stuff you might have to buy) make simply leaving it to the pros worth it.

(4) Choose Your Location Wisely
Having your party at home might seem like a smart way to save (and for a small-size get-together, it is), but if you’re planning a party that’s big, formal, or both, think outside your house when it comes to location.

· Think of it this way: Unless you happen to have lights, a dance floor, and place settings for a hundred laying around, you’re going to have to rent or otherwise find vendors who’ll provide everything.

· For any party (and especially for one that includes a meal), finding a location that’s more inclusive is a better bet. They’ll be able to provide you with many of your needs, from cups and plates to tables and chairs, and since these types of places hold events often, they’ll also have connections when it comes to helping you find the other event pros you need.

(5) Pick Your Priorities
When you’re are working on a budget, be clear about what’s really important to making it a great party. The food? The music? How about favors?

· Put a star beside anything on your list that you find yourself excitedly envisioning (”We’ll have an enormous dance floor with colored lights and a ceiling-full of disco balls!”), and an x beside anything that leaves you cold (”Oh yeah, I guess we should have something to eat, too).

· Focus your attention (and money) on the stuff you can’t live without, and be frugal (or, in the case of anything inessential, just skip) the stuff you’re not as psyched about.

· Remember, it’s not about having what your best friend had unless she had something you absolutely loved. If you’re not into it, move on. You’ll wind up with money well spent (and oh yeah, one heck of a party!) © copyright 2008, PartySpot.com. Reproduced by Permission – All Rights Reserved

Finding a Photographer

admin — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 22:09:11 +0000

From PartySpot.com

Selecting a photographer to document your party is possibly the most important hire you’ll make. To find the right shutterbug for your shindig, start early and shop around. These tips will help to light your way.

Suit Your Style
Before you start calling photographers, first decide which visual style suits your party. Photographers fall into three general camps: photojournalists, traditional photographers, and those with a balanced bag of tricks. If you love candid black-and-white action shots, you’re probably leaning toward a cameraman with a penchant for photojournalism. If you prefer portraits and posed shots, a traditionalist is for you. Not sure? Seek out that special mix.

Meet & Greet
Start compiling a list of candidates by flipping through the albums of any friends or family who have recently celebrated a Bar/Bat Miztvah. Other sources include experts you’ve been working with on other aspects of your party (event coordinator, caterers, etc.).

Rub the Right Way
Don’t underestimate the importance of liking, if not bonding, with your photographer. Some of the best shots of your party may well be those taken behind the scenes, and you need to be comfortable about inviting him or her backstage. This person will also have a lot of contact with your family and friends, and in general be a very visible “guest” at your party. To get the best photos, he or she has to be assertive enough to hunt for great moments, cajoling enough to coax relaxed smiles and natural stances from guests, and calm enough to be a positive force. He or she should ask lots of questions and be a good listener. Trust your gut: If anything about him or her rubs you the wrong way, keep looking.

Choose Wisely
Seasoned event photographers have what’s called a “book,” a portfolio of their best work to show potential clients. If a candidate doesn’t have one, think twice — he may be too wet behind the ears or too disorganized for the job. While browsing a book, look for crisp images, thoughtful compositions, and good lighting. Do the more journalistic shots convey a sense of emotion? Do people in the portraits look relaxed?

Technical Questions
Does he or she shoot in medium format, digital or only 35mm? If the photographer has only one standard 35mm camera and you want to get some poster-size portraits for Grandma, you’ll want to find someone who can shoot in medium format (the larger negative retains its crisp image at larger magnifications than 35mm — or “small-format” — film). Make sure he or she brings a backup set of equipment in case of malfunction or other snafu.

Eyeball the Effects
If you have your heart set on special effects — fish-eye lenses, infrared film, sepia-toned prints — be sure you see ample examples of the photographer’s technique. You don’t want your prints to be guinea pigs for his darkroom experimentation. Be sure the resulting look is not overdone (too artsy) or barely there.

Review References
Request two to three references for the two photographers you feel most strongly about. If a photographer is reluctant to give you a list of prior clients, cross her off your list. Ask the references if they would they recommend this person to their best friend. Why or why not? Was the photographer on time, well dressed, and completely professional throughout the event? Did guests have any comments — negative or positive?

Confirm the Cost
Expect to spend at least $1500 and easily up to $4000 on the photographer. You’re paying for the cameraman’s time at your party, plus all post-production work, such as developing the prints — by hand and one at a time in a traditional darkroom in some cases. Special effects and more time at the event will, of course, cost extra. If you’re on a tight budget, ask about the most basic package.

Ask About Online
Sharing photos on the Internet has become the norm. How does your photographer do it? Is he or she partnered with a service which can post your album online? A lot of people like this option because it allows you to share the entire event’s worth of pictures without carting around the proof book — and guests and family don’t have to go through you to order prints.

Double-Check the Details
Many larger studios have several photographers on staff. Since every professional has a different style, technique, and personality, you need to make sure that the one you interview and “click” with will be the same one to work your party. Also, who shoots the party in case of an emergency or illness? Will the photographer have an assistant? How many? How will the photographer and the assistants be dressed?

Write it Down
We know you know this, but we have to say it anyway: Get every detail in writing. Also important: Don’t sign anything if a studio claims it has the right to send any staff photographer to your party and you feel uneasy about even one person in their stable of photographers; if you sign, that’s the one you’ll inevitably get.

A Guide to Tipping

admin — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 21:52:47 +0000

From PartySpot.com

So, you feel pretty confident that you’ve completed calculating costs for the big bash. But wait — before you close that budget binder, did you remember to include gratuity? Technically, no one should expect tips, but many vendors will since tipping has become standard practice. Depending on where you’re celebrating, the protocol will vary. Here is a simple rule of the thumb: you tip employees, not owners. Designate someone to be in charge of tipping ahead of time. The host of the event or the event coordinator is the perfect person for the job. Or enlist a friend to help get the job done. Party Pointer: Men generally have suit pockets to stash the cash.

Advance Prep
The last thing you want at the end of the night is someone having to count out cash when offering the tips. Set aside pre-determined amounts beforehand and place them in labeled envelopes. This way, your gratuity guy or gal simply has to hand over the designated envelopes, leaving little room for error. Having an additional envelope with a bit more cash is not a bad idea either — that way, if the bill is higher than expected, or someone really went the extra mile for you or a guest, you can be sure to take care of it right then and there.

Get the 411
Before you just start doling out money, however, find out about the tipping policies. Talk to the hotel or club manager at your venue to see how tips are normally handled. Also find out if a service charge is included in the total on your bill. If so, you don’t need to offer an additional tip. Remember, it’s completely acceptable to have these kinds of conversations with your vendors, preferably at the time you sign a contract, rather than the day of the event. You can only know what people are expecting if you ask them.

Who Gets a Tip:

· Event Coordinator/Party Planner: No matter how intricate or basic their jobs are, they usually won’t be expecting a tip. If you’d like to show your appreciation, you can include a monetary thank-you in a note, or perhaps send them a little gift after the soiree. · Delivery People (from the florist, bakery, party rental): They load up the truck, find their way to your place, and then oftentimes have to dance around the other delivery people, or even the band setting up, lugging in cumbersome flower arrangements, delicate cakes, and stacks of chairs. Show how grateful you are for all of their labor by offering about $10 to each delivery person.

· Parking Attendants/Valets: If you’re providing parking services for guests, give the supervisor a tip for the attendants ahead of time. Calculate about $1 per car. And don’t forget to spread the word that you’ve taken care of the gratuity so your guests don’t feel compelled to slip the guy a buck.

· Coatroom and Restroom Attendants: If this gratuity is not factored into the bill already, .50 cents to $1 per guest should suffice. · Musicians: Whether you’re cutting a rug to a 12-piece swing band or a single DJ, tipping the musicians is completely optional. If you do decide to “show them the money,” calculate $20 to $25 for each member.

· Photographer/Videographer: This is completely optional. If you’re paying top dollar for their fees, they shouldn’t be expecting a gratuity. However, a thank-you in the form of cash is always appreciated, especially if the photographer or videographer doesn’t own his or her own studio. Estimate $20 to $25.

· Banquet Manager, Maitre d’: This is where it’s very important to check if you’re already paying a service charge. If gratuity is not included in your bill total, figure from $200 to $300 as a tip, depending on the size of your party. This amount should go to the person in charge of your event; if there’s more than one person in charge, divide the gratuity among them.

· Caterer & Waitstaff: If your gala isn’t in a hotel or club, there’s a good chance your caterer has to work out of a tent or minimally equipped kitchen, and the waitstaff may have to run up and down steps carrying heavy trays. In these circumstances it’s nice to show you appreciate all of their efforts. Figure the tip according to the number of waiters — decide on a dollar amount (let’s say $20) and multiply by the number of servers working, plus some for the catering manager. This total can range from $250 to $500.

· Bartenders: Once again, it’s time to scrutinize the bill — sometimes at hotels and clubs a service charge is included in the liquor bill. If there isn’t one, leaving 10% of the total liquor bill for the bartenders is a nice gesture. Try to find the head bartender when handing over the cash.

Tapped Out Yet?
Well here’s some good news: There are some people you don’t have to tip. It is easy to remember that you don’t tip the owner of a business, but instead tip the people working for that owner. In addition, the florist and baker will not be expecting a gratuity, nor will the invitation or party rental companies. Thank-you notes are, as always, universally and eternally appreciated.

A Guide to Contracts

admin — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 21:47:59 +0000

From PartySpot.com

If you remember one thing, remember this: Get it in writing. Here’s what you need to see when you look at a contract.It’s crucial that any time you settle on a photographer, caterer, DJ, or any other party service, you get it in writing. Until you fork over a deposit and sign off on a contract, you have no guarantees. You need to read everything — and we mean everything — in your contracts and receipts, and be sure to document every single party arrangement that gets made. Here’s what needs to be there:

1. FLEXIBILITY
You might not want to think about an April snowstorm’s effect on your plans to celebrate beneath the stars, but if you want to ensure that the site has another space available in case of emergency, that needs to be in the contract. Don’t be afraid to alter the basic contract offered. If your request is reasonable — for example, you want them to be liable for potential negligence or willful misconduct — and the vendor won’t agree, look elsewhere.

2. REFUNDS
Every contract should include a refund policy that discusses what refund you will receive if you cancel and what penalty the vendor will pay if they cancel. For bands and DJs, you might want to include a “Macarena Clause”: If they play something on your written “Do Not Play” list, they must deduct a small amount from the bill.

3. DETAILS TO COME
What should you do if you’ve made some decisions but haven’t finalized details? (For example, you know you want lots of daisies, but you don’t know the exact cost of the centerpieces). You can make a contract when you book the service and include a general amount or maximum cost for services, but add a sentence that says details will be confirmed in writing by a certain date.

4. WHAT GOES IN
On every contract, make sure you see:

· Date of the party (month, date, year, and day of the week)

· Time the vendor should arrive

· Day and date an item should be delivered

Party Pointer: When dealing with vendors that are providing a service on the day of the party, make sure the contract includes the name and number of the person they should call if anything goes wrong or gets delayed.

5. RECEIPTS
When you order something, such as invitations, or favors, the contract can be as brief as a store receipt. That said, it should still include:

· The party’s date

· Style (a number, a detailed description, or the full invitation text, for example)

· Date item will be picked up

· Price and payment schedule

· Outline of what the price includes (such as alterations, accessories, delivery, and envelopes)